Leaving A Crossroads

God, please show me my life if I do not forgive.

The steady dripping of cold water hitting the bare nape of my neck is torturous. I look up into the unilluminated headroom to find the source, but with my eyes unable to adjust to the darkness, it is of no use. The dripping, incessant dripping, unrelentingly torments me, and I am chilled through to the very core of my being. I quickly move my gaze away from the stalactite-filled wet rock mass above me. I can barely see the sharp-tipped icicle-like formations, but they all appear to be pointing at me; I can almost feel their piercing strikes against my skin. I imagine the spikes assailing me from every direction, a constant bombardment in which I have no apparent escape. I shudder.

I am brought out of my dreadful brooding as the pain in my shoulder screams at me with each shuffled step I take. The weight of the chain unforgivingly digs into my shoulder muscle. Every few steps, I shift this cumbersome burden from one shoulder to another in an attempt to convince myself I am doing any good.

I run my hands along the cool, clammy surface of the damp rock wall that, for as long as I can remember, has assumed its position to my left, parallel to me no matter the direction I go. I aimlessly move my hands along the smooth, wet, glass-like surface, longing to find a grip that, if even for a moment, would steady my step and offer support to my aching body.

I pause and look over my shoulder, not surprised to see that beyond the length of the bulky metal links still sits my albatross, fixed, firmly in position at the end of my chain. I have done all I can to elude it, but it inches along behind me with each step and drag. The rhythmic scraping and grinding launch an agonizing attack on my ears, working in tandem with the cold water still dripping from above.

God please show me my life if I do forgive.

“I handpicked this spot for you for its peace.”

The surrounding calm fills me with contentment and restfulness. I close my eyes and allow my whole body to absorb the warmth of the sun. I eagerly turn my face upward, hoping to soak up every bit of gentle radiance. I pause in this blissful moment, longing for time to stand still.

With my eyes still closed, I breathe deeply. The sweet, delicate fragrance that I have invited into my nostrils further induces a sense of tranquility. I let out a slow, extended breath and earnestly inhale again, enjoying the delicate aroma permeating my senses once again.

Face still to the sky; I feel the tender brush of the warm breeze gently tickling my skin like a feather. The warm breath of wind is pleasant, welcoming: I stand still, face upward, eyes closed, and wholeheartedly savor the moment.

With the breeze comes a soft, pleasant melodious tinkling of wind chimes. I feel myself smiling at the sweet-sounding harmony that fills my heart to overflowing with joy.

I allow myself to slowly open my eyes, surrendering the moment, and move on to the glorious view that surrounds me. The intense sky-blue ceiling radiates with rich, comforting sunlight. I bring my gaze in front of me, where a seemingly never-ending blanket of lemon yellow flowers stretches out before me. The robust stems support the flowers in a perfectly upright position, and the vibrant green leaves complement the beautiful, intricate petals. I resist the urge to pick a huge fragrant bouquet desiring instead to keep this image undisturbed and flawless.

Thank you, God.